Thursday, January 08, 2015

Little Bits of In The Trenches Truth

It's the end of another day.  It hasn't been a horrid day, but neither will it make my list of Super-Fab Days I Want To Remember Forever.

We had good moments and bad moments and in-between moments.  Quiet moments and loud moments and crying moments and laughing moments.  They all came fast and furious and made up this one little day.

Some days seem to wear on forever and others are over before I know it, but the truth is, all the pages on the calendar fly by and I can barely breath as these years spin away so quickly.

I want to slow the clock.  I want to squeeze every ounce of joy into a bottle and savor it.  I want to remember the rainbows, though I think I want to forget most of the rain.  Not all, because balance is necessary, but fewer memories of days like today would be okay.

There were sassy remarks.

Lots of unkindness and bickering amongst the kids.

A handful of training moments due to not listening the first time.

Plenty of disrespectful moments towards Mama.

Several temper tantrums.

No lack of whiny people (them and me).

Lots of prodding to get through with school.

A few sobs over hurt feelings.

More than enough unthankfulness for what we have so generously been given.

There was one child who was up in my grill All. Day. Long.  Child and I spend a lot of time going in circles with one another.  We miscommunicate as our primary language, we get on each others nerves, we just struggle with one another on so many points.

It's hard.  I love Child with all my heart.  Child makes me laugh, amazes me with abilities, and is a cuddle bug (all my kids are, and I love this in big ways).  Child is in the moment and tends to not think about how actions in this moment will effect the next moment or the moment two hours down the road.  Child is kindhearted and wants to be of help, but Child will frequently hatch a brilliant-to-them plan that is way off base from my expectations or even my specific directions.

Child is so very capable but needs almost constant monitoring.

And so we dance.  These days that aren't horrible, but just wearing.  Emotionally, physically wearing.  In my mind, Child should be beyond this kind of childishness.

Which is why, among other reasons, Child needs me.  To point out those childish ways.

I'm in the business of raising children into adults. Don't get me wrong: I want to enjoy every single moment of their babyhood, toddlerhood, little person, medium sized kid, adolescence, young adulthood, and any other phase.  Ultimately, though, I want the kid to walk out of my house with a heart for the Lord and confidence in their step and a mind that can think for itself!

I don't have a pretty bow to help wrap up this messy package of thoughts.  I don't have any words of wisdom to share about how we are making the most of these swift days with Big Moments of fun and frustration. 

But I place my faith in a God who is so much bigger than even the Big Moments.  He is faithful to carry us when we wilt and cry out to Him.  When we hide under the covers for a few minutes of peace, He gives us the courage to come out again and carry on His work with His children that He has entrusted to us. 

I know it's okay to have All the Feelings about today.  I know that our entire family is being refined every day.  And I know I'm thankful that He loves us enough to change us for the better. 

And tomorrow?  Tomorrow I get to wake up to a fresh day full of His promises.  Tomorrow we dance again.