Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sweeping Eggs

There are so many little things in parenthood that were absolutely not in the brochure. The little things that actually make up an entirely underestimated amount of our time each and every day. The brochure also forgets to tell us that those sweet smelling, baby-grunting, bundles of joy we bring home from the hospital develop into toddlers and preschoolers with no end of imagination, untested brilliance, and copious amounts of curiosity.

A typical day can hold tens of episodes that leave the grown-up population staring incredulously at the knee-high population, wondering what on Earth possessed the child to do that??

Just for the sake of education, let's look at some possible scenarios.

1. Perhaps the five year old and the four year old come running up the steps to inform you (the Adult With the Knowledge of How to Fix Anything) that the potty is filling up and turning pink. Hmmm... Cause? A large lump of #2, a massive wad of toilet paper, and a red bath-tub fizzy from Ozzie the Octopus. Because what toilet stoppage is complete without fizzy color added?

2. Or it could be a not-quite-three year old proudly proclaiming that she has refilled the liquid soap dispenser. As you digest this information, look carefully for glistening soap on her hands, up her arms, and pretty much all over her clothes. Then be real careful about walking on the tile floor. There is likely to be a lot of soap around. Be sure to check the hand towel, too. It could have streaks of soap on it where the child attempted to wipe the excess off her hands.

3. There are a few things that parenthood demands you to give up on. Privacy, as I have previously stated, is one of them. With that in mind, let's just say never underestimate the dexterity of a fourteen month old's little hands when presented with feminine napkins. Look carefully for places she might have stuck said product.

4. Also be on the look out for the not-quite-three year old as she attempts to put lotion on. She might think that it makes a good candidate for hair gel, thus negating the hair-washing she just had.

5. Babies, toddlers, and preschoolers are notorious for dropping, flipping, tossing, or otherwise sending their food (especially the unwanted variety) spiraling to the floor. Nothing says count your blessings and be thankful for them like sweeping half chewed meat or scrambled eggs.

Consider yourself a little more armed that you were ten minutes ago.


liz said...

Girl, that had me laughing out loud so hard my husband and kids are wondering what is wrong with me. It is so funny, because it's so true...and I'm only at the 3 year old and 15 month old stage. What good times lay in store for me. =)

Anonymous said...

I Love reading anything you write. It is always so entertaining and can always make me laugh. <3 you!!

Missi said...

I thought of one today: Baby onesies should come with a warning label:
WARNING: May cause extreme exhaustion. DO NOT operate heavy machinery, drive, or attempt normal every day activities for at least 6 months.