Second Year Woes

Because I really don't want to call it the Terrible Twos. I mean, it's not terrible. It's just challenging. He challenges, I am challenged, and our tempers cross multiple times a day. I refuse to sit here and speak to you that I am a patient person throughout all of this. Besides, if you are reading this blog, you probably know me. Which means you know that patience is something that I have in fluctuating amounts. Some days we do great...other days, I pull my hair out and by the time my poor husband gets home, I am ready to crawl into a corner and cry for a bit. Whoever said that being a stay at home mom was easy, didn't do it.

Not that it is all one horrible event after another. If you think that, then you don't have kids yet. Even people who thought they would be horrible parents and were scared to death to have children, dote on and adore their children. Kids make us laugh. They make us cry. They make us frustrated. They make us think, learn and grow. They complete the family the God intended most of us to be a part of.

What I am saying is that it's not all joyfulness. Even when you grit your teeth and chant over and over and over, I will be joyful, I choose to be joyful, I am joyful. Right. Sure you are. That is why you have tension headaches that start at that clenched jaw point.

The point of this entry is not to encourage you. No, it is actually for me to vent. And if you find some encouragement in that, then praise the Lord. He does indeed work all things together for His good. I love my children. They are some of the most amazing blessings that the Lord has sent my way. He has taught me much through them, and that is just within the first 27 months. I shudder a bit, but look forward to what the rest of our lives teach me.

No, the point here is for me to say, this is a hard age. There is understanding on the part of my son, but how much of it does he really get? Forget the experts and the books. (and believe me, I read plenty of books) Let's talk nitty-gritty, real life kids. How much of what I am saying does my son get? How much does he simply not understand? How much is he pushing me and how much is he ignoring me? When do I discipline? How do I discipline? How long do I leave him in time out? Is time out really a discipline for my child, or a time for me to gather myself so that I can speak words of wisdom and not words of aggravation? Where do those words of wisdom come from, anyway? What things in his life do I really push to accomplish? Is potty training really so important that I should make the whole family miserable over it? (have you seen how large diapers come these days?) What are his boundaries for independence? How do I know when he needs firmness and when he just needs a hug? How long can I use the excuse, He is still so little? How do you teach table manners to a two year old?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Consistency is key. I agree with that. Whole heartedly. But you have to figure that what Family A is modeling works for them, and that you can't just copy it over to your family. Family B is all messed up, and yet, you feel more like them most of the time. Make me family C. I don't need to exude perfectness to those around me. I am okay with toddlers who scream their frustration from time to time. Heck, I do. But, by the same token, I don't want to be so lax with the job the Lord has given me that my children grow up to be unstable and unsure and undisciplined. It's not okay for them to throw themselves down on the ground every time they are responded to negatively. The world just isn't that nice of a place.

One of the hardest things, I think, though most of us don't admit it or maybe don't even recognize it, is looking at other families and making comparisons. How come my child can't do that? Why is he not saying this or that? Why doesn't he know what to do with this set of circumstances? How is it that he is so much less advanced physically, socially, academically? And in some cases, of course, my child exceeds the accomplishments of others. And in some places he falls short. But not really. Just if I get careless and start making those comparisons.

Another place that gets sticky, for me anyway, is all the advice. Everyone has some. Some people give it out with a sweet spirit. Their hearts are in the right place, even if you don't want to hear the words. But it is easier to take the advice and wisdom that these people offer, because of the sincerity of it. It's people who mouth off about "How many kids are you going to have?" and How come you spank/don't spank for this or that? You should do ___________. I have to admit, I hate that kind of critical help. There is a place for it. But targeting it at an overwhelmed young mother is not that place. So there. I got that off my chest.

I am told that it gets easier. I believe this, but let's talk about how to keep up the sanity and the work of our Father in the mean time. I mean, my kids don't even speak in whole sentences yet. They can't express themselves in a way that is 100% understandable. Then, neither is language, I suppose. I mean, I know that this entry will not make sense to several folks out there.

But I look forward to the communicative years. I pray that we build strong enough foundations that we always stay communicative. And I know I am laying some of the groundwork for that now. I just need to let out some steam occasionally.