Because I think that the actual cement bricks blew out the breath we didn't know they could hold when the door closed behind our exiting family today.
It's Sunday. After church Joshua made the command decision to treat us all to 5 Guys, the kids absolute, hands-down, all time favorite place to eat. I'm pretty sure this was the first time we have ventured out to lunch as a family since Daniel joined our family nearly four months ago.
Suffice it to say, all of this craziness could have been simply that we were out of practice.
We arrived through the front doors of the restaurant at about 12:15. Ordering went well; I love that they give free drinks to the kids. It's the only time our kids ever get anything besides water.
Which could account for the craziness, too. All the sugar from the soda they drank. Or absorbed...
Sarah Grace and Elizabeth were sitting at a table for two. Joshua, Anna, Thomas and I were across the almost two foot aisle from them at a table for four. And Daniel, who was sleeping, was in his infant seat on the floor between the two tables. Got that visual down? Because it is important later on.
We got everyone's food set before them and commenced eating. Within seconds, Elizabeth spilled about a quarter of her cup of root beer in her lap. On her white dress. We blotted her lap dry and went on with things. I mean, really, what's a meal with five little people if you don't have at least one minor accident?
Just as I sat down after cleaning up Elizabeth, Anna squeaked out her needs.
"Mommy! I needa go to da poddy!"
So, yeah, I forgot to mention that she had told me this while we were in the van on the way to the restaurant. And I forgot about her needs in the midst of getting everyone corralled and into chairs so we could eat.
I jumped up and off we went to the bathroom. She did her best, I'm sure, but her undies were already wet and there was a small circle on the front of her dress from where she had been holding herself as we duck-walked to the bathroom. I did what I could to clean her up and rinse her off after she finished up with the potty.
We got settled back in at the table and Thomas started telling me that he needed softer food until his other tooth fell out. You need to know he lost one of his top front teeth yesterday and the other was very loose. He had no more than finished his request for a dietary change when he took a bite of his sandwich and the tooth in question flipped out of his mouth, rolled down the sandwich, and into his lap! We giggled and listened to him sweetly lisp his way through his excitement.
I looked over to see Sarah Grace and Elizabeth both with their pointer fingers on each hand topped in ketchup. They were playing finger people and their little ketchup-ed capped people were talking to each other. I reminded them of their status as ladies and they quickly licked their fingers clean. Because that's what ladies do when they find themselves with ketchup tipped fingers.
Eating resumed for two short minutes, Thomas still reliving his newest tooth loss, before the next round of crazy.
Before I could finish chewing a bite of burger, Elizabeth spilled the entire contents of her cup. Root beer in her lap, on her chair, on the floor, all over the table, and dripping towards the baby's car seat. Some lady I don't know picked up Daniel's car seat and moved it safely away from the dripping soda. Then the lady and one of her daughters continued to run back and forth with napkins, napkins, and more napkins until the mess was under control. I couldn't thank them enough for their random act of kindness.
Elizabeth, who'd immediately started crying when she spilled, regained her composure, the mess was cleaned up, and we all went back to eating. Except that Daniel had awakened during all the commotion. He happily sat in his seat and played until just before Joshua finished eating. Popping the last of his sandwich in his mouth and taking a quick trip to the bathroom to wash his hands, Joshua then took the baby and gave him his bottle while the rest of us tried desperately to finish our food.
Daniel downed the bottle and, true to form, did The Doo. Joshua looked up at me, grimaced, and held out his hand to show that Daniel had gone so heartily that he left a gift on the hand that was supporting his bottom. I got the giggles and told Thomas to go and fetch some napkins. Thomas wandered back a few moments later empty handed.
"I couldn't find them," he said, looking guilty.
I dashed off to get the napkins, but not before I really got the giggles as Joshua pointed to the floor. Daniel's diaper wasn't holding things in to well. There was a dollop of poop on the floor of the fine dining establishment.
Joshua handed the baby off to me while he mopped up the floor real quick. I dropped a handful of napkins in the car seat and settled Daniel in it so I could fish out a clean diaper. Joshua whisked off a handful of trash before he came back for Daniel so he could go change him. I was staying behind to clean up the leftovers of the meal and get the other kids ready to go out the door.
And then, then...
...then a bag that had been sitting on the table collecting peanut hulls and uneaten french fries was knocked over. It's contents spilled all over Daniel and his car seat. Joshua and I looked at each other and exploded in laughter.
I was trying to reign it in as I bent down to start clearing the food from my baby and his seat when Joshua pulled out his phone and told me that perhaps this was God's way of telling me it was time to update the blog.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he took a picture of my poor, french fry covered baby. And then we quickly pulled ourselves together and left.
I'm pretty sure nobody misses us.