Friday, October 19, 2007

Missing

It has been such a busy month. I have had handprints commitments for the past two Saturdays, and this week for Thursday through Saturday I have/will be out of the house. Where are my kids during all of this? Currently they are with their Granny. Joshua's mom was brave enough to take them on all by herself! Few people are willing to do this, so it makes it that much more meaningful that she will.

Joshua helped me the first Saturday at the Madison Street Festival while the kids stayed with a couple of girls from our church. We did good business and really enjoyed working together. At the end of the day, we really enjoyed coming home and hanging out with the munchkins.

The following Saturday, Lora and her youngest came and did Just Kids Stuff with me. It was an early morning, but we were glad for the chance to visit with out the aid of seven youngsters ages three and under jostling for out attentions. Again, when I got home that evening, I was sure glad to see my husband and kiddos.

This week, I am set up with Klassy Kids Exchange and because of the hours I am putting in, the children are staying with Granny. On top of that, Joshua left for a seminar that runs Thursday through Sunday, and I have found myself at loose ends in the evenings. I am not real hip on staying home alone, but manage to deal with it from time to time. And it's not that there isn't anything for me to do. To the contrary, my list seems to have increased in the absence of my family.

Yet, here I sit moaning to you all about my quiet house.

I miss my kids. I know I will be refreshed for the break, but oh, how I miss the cuddles and hugs and laughter. The noise of it all. The toys that get scattered about under foot. The messy meal faces. The shoe basket being dumped every time I say get your shoes on, never mind that the shoes they are looking for are still under the kitchen table where they kicked them off. The sweet smell of freshly bathed and lotioned kids. The warm snuggles of bedtime reading. The sincerity of bedtime prayers. The sleepy eyes that trust me with everything that they hold dear.

I miss my husband. I realized this morning as I was driving that I had been awake for nearly three hours and not said a single word. I had not hugged anyone or smiled at anyone. I had not shared our weekly television hour with Joshua the night before, lounging on the couch munching some snack and waiting with baited breath to see what would happen next in the life of Clark Kent. I had not shared garage time with Joshua, him working in his corner and me in mine on totally unrelated projects, but just being together. I had not had dinner table conversation, not helped in the kitchen, not held hands, nothing since stepping foot in the front door.

I did have some pretty flowers and chocolates and a sweet note on my pillow. I knew I was loved and missed.

All these little things that make up the routine of my usual days, I miss them. Odd how excited I was several years ago to be living in an apartment all on my very own with no room mates (save the three cats!) and no one to answer to. I cooked or not cooked for only myself. I did only my laundry. I cleaned only my mess. I kept my own schedule. I watched what I wanted to watch when I wanted to watch it. I came and I went and I played my music loud.

Now, I scarcely know what to do with myself when given a few nights in a row with out the responsibilities of being Mother/Wife/Friend to my kids and husband. I love those rolls. They comprise such a large part of who I am and what I do that I feel somehow lost to not be filling them for what in the long run amounts to a few hours.

The rest is nice, but I am just about ready to have my sweetheart back and my children in my arms. If it means cooking for everyone, fine. Doing a gajillion loads of laundry daily, bring it on. Helping to clean the kids toys out of the floor again, okay. Squeezing errands in around and between nap time and lunch time, great. And if I have to sing The Chicken Song and the Alphabet Song and The Lord's Army over and over and over and over, well, at least my kids are enjoying music!

I look forward to tomorrow when my babies come home. I look forward to taking them out for a social gathering. I look forward to seeing Joshua and the folks he is with. Yes, I enjoy the blessings the Lord gave me in these precious people in my life. I am ready to serve them again and have us all under one roof.

3 comments:

Bethney said...

Aubrey you inspire me..

Anonymous said...

Aw! That's really a sweet blog....I miss you all....babysitting other peoples kids isn't as fun as babysitting my nieces and nephew! Love you all!

Aunt Kim

Lora said...

"Alone" is highly overrated, but slightly necessary from time to time.

You could have called me first thing in the morning. I don't give kisses (morning breath, you know) but I'm good for a chat.